Ugh. Today started great. I had a great day all day long with Eric and his family, then BAM! Wrong-o. All of a sudden Eric and I are in the middle of the all time dumbest fight you have ever heard of. Our anniversary is on Sunday. Already one year into marriage. That flew by. His parents bought us a BOSE ipod dock for our bedroom. The reasoning- He loves to listen to music while falling asleep, and I am used to sleeping in silence. We have had a clock radio, but it picks up very few channels. We have been falling asleep to the likes of Miley Cyrus. Terrible. I've put up with it for a year. Another thing I HATE about that clock radio is how bright the lights are on the clock. I have trouble sleeping. Maybe it's because I still feel a little bit like I'm in a hotel because I'm not used to this as my 'home.' Maybe it's because our house was robbed last summer. I don't know. I just have a struggle falling asleep every single night. One night it's the firmness of the bed. The next night, my pillow is just the most uncomfortable thing I have ever felt...I can hear the little murmur of the motor inside the ceiling fan and can't get it out of my mind...Eric is snoring and sometimes it sounds like he's going to stop breathing and it freaks me out...the toilet won't stop running...etc etc etc. I struggle to say the LEAST.
So, they gave us the BOSE today. YAY! I've been looking forward to it all year. The clock radio will be OUT of here. We will put the ipod in and have nice calming classical music or jazz to fall asleep to. Perfect. Plus, the light will be gone. Two of the many obstacles that I tackle each night will be gone. I swear, I unplug the clock and Eric flips his switch. "I NEED TO KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS. YOU MIGHT NOT NEED TO KNOW BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAKE UP (referring to my unemployment phase...) BUT I DO. He yells all of this. He wants the clock to stay. It's bizarre on so many levels. He never usually yells, for one. Secondly, he can look at the time on his phone which will be two inches from his head. So, not a big deal, right? Wrong. He's pissed about it, and I'm pissed that he's pissed and not being understanding. Now it's not even about the stupid clock. Now I'm FURIOUS that he had to throw it in my face that I don't have a job. Does he seriously think that I WANT to be unemployed? No one wants that. Can he not put himself in my shoes? He's a sweet guy, but I do wish he was better at trying to put himself in my shoes sometimes. I am not comfortable sleeping in our home for ten million reasons, why wouldn't he invite the opportunity to help me settle in here? I don't know.
Our arguing needs some work too. We are not in sync. He is calm as can be (usually, although he was different today.) and I am so animated that I can't keep my voice down. I KNOW I sound like a total witch and that some of the things I say are irrational and ridiculous sounding. Most of all, I know I need to tone it down and stop yelling. Be an adult now, Jacqueline. I am telling myself these things in my head as angry word vomit pushes its way out of my mouth. I can't help it today apparently. I was yelling.
I'm aggravated to the 10th degree. I'm in the bedroom blogging on our laptop with the door shut and he's in the living room watching the Braves. It is probably the worst fight in our entire one year of marriage, and it happened two days before we're supposed to be all lovey dovey on our 1 year anniversary. I know he'll wake up tomorrow and act like it never happened and I'll still wake up mad. I don't know which is worse. We need to close the book and give some closure on the subject or I can't move on but he just wants to move on without resolving it.
UGH. I can't wait for this night to end. Tonight, I'll have trouble sleeping because I'm angry at my husband. Every time his foot accidently touches mine under the covers I will cringe and my blood will boil. Why? This all happened because of an old CLOCK RADIO? Are you kidding me?
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